I cried while shopping for my wedding dress. Not in the “Say Yes to the Dress,” I am having an emotional connection to this gown sort of way. I cried because someone who should have been there to share in the moment was no longer with us. My husband’s mother had passed away several years before we started dating. I never had the privilege of meeting her, and I cried because I did not get that chance. I cried because my husband would not share a mother-son dance on his wedding day. And I cried because his mom, who did not have daughters of her own, would have loved seeing her future daughter-in-law choose the gown she would marry her son in.
Weddings are joyous occasions but can be bittersweet for those who celebrate without a loved one. Emotions are constantly competing with one another, swinging from joy and knowing that the one who is missing would not want you to be sad, to fighting back tears of grief. I have a special place in my heart for brides and grooms who have experienced loss and want to honor their loved ones on their wedding day.
I have seen many beautiful and thoughtful ways couples remember loved ones who have passed. Many brides tie photo lockets around their bouquets. One bride wrapped her flowers in her father’s necktie, while another tied the wedding bands of her grandparents into her bouquet. Brides have carried the rosary and worn the jewelry of mothers and grandmothers, while grooms have hidden the pocket watches and handkerchiefs of their loved ones inside their jackets. The inside of a wedding dress or suit is the perfect place to embroider initials or messages from loved ones. Brides and grooms often choose to light candles and display photos in remembrance, or take a moment of silence during the ceremony or special toast during the reception. I once photographed a military wedding with an empty place setting for a fellow marine who had passed away.
For my husband and I, we remembered his mom in several ways on our wedding day. During the ceremony, we placed a white rose on the empty chair beside his father. Paul wrote a poem about his mother and we framed and displayed it at our reception alongside her portrait. Our reception dinner was made from her recipe and the knife we cut the cake with was the engraved cake cutter she used on her wedding day. While nothing can make up for the loss of not having her there, setting aside special moments was a beautiful way to acknowledge how much she is missed and how her life impacted those around her in such an overwhelmingly positive way.
It is rare that I photograph a wedding without tears. Experiencing the real, authentic emotions and personalities of people on their wedding day is one of the reasons why I do what I do. Most of the time, the tears are joyful. But many couples who celebrate their union together do so without the presence of someone they knew and loved. It has always been and will continue to be my humble honor to photograph those moments and keepsakes, to join in with brides and grooms and their families in keeping sacred memories alive.
